so, i have 4 kids.. ages 3 months, 2, 4, and 6... i don't think of 4 as being that many kids but its funny how many comments i get when i go to the store with them, are at the park, hiking.. or even from people looking into my window when stopped at a traffic light! the most common phrase i hear is "whoa, you've got your hands full!" and i just laugh. except for a few hours in the afternoon all of my kids are home all day. and at times our home is just as you might expect it to be- - kinda crazy! and at times i feel just like people expect me to feel-- like i've seriously got my hands full! but at times it is just calm and pleasant and fun and not really at all like some might imagine.
i think a natural result of being a parent is the natural struggle of knowing how to parent your kids! it is such a weight on my shoulders and i definitely feel a burden as i continually question whether i am doing what is best for my children! i have a long way to go in order to be the kind of parent i think i should be, and a lot to learn. and even when i do gain insights on parenting, i furthermore struggle to follow through and do what i know i should. but i strive to be better every day and i think that's all i can try for right now!
with all my faults and failings as a parent, however, i have gained some insights that have helped me.. a few tactics that, in my current state as a mom with 4 young kids at home, have helped me cope with the ever-daunting task of tending to the needs of these little ones while also having time for myself and the tasks of the home. every mother is different and so is every child but today i thought i would share one parenting approach that i feel has helped me...
1. limit media
soo we don't watch a lot of tv in our house. i'm a little embarrassed to admit, but most days, none. and then sometimes we'll have a movie night once a week. or watch a couple shows. its not that i actively sought to limit it, it just sort of happened.. somehow along the way of establishing routines and such, tv just did not become part of it! and so i've stuck with it! we wake up, eat breakfast, play, read, color, run errands, go outside, visit grandmas, etc... it's not something we really think about and when the kids are bored, they have "down time" and read books, color, relax... or they work together to entertain themselves.. they create cities with blocks, construct sites in the sandbox, they reenact stories, movies, or experiences. their imagination becomes their greatest liberation.
so how does this help me as a parent? like i said, i have 4 little ones at home virtually all day. so it takes a huge load of pressure off of me when they can entertain themselves. and for the most part, that's what they do. i'm not saying i don't interact or play along with them and such, but for those times throughout the day when i need to tend to other things, it helps to know my kids aren't completely dependent on me or something else to keep them occupied.
<<why>>
so i feel limiting media is an approach that has helped us a lot, be it good/bad/right/wrong! it's not doctrine, just something i feel. and since recognizing its influence on our home, something i feel pretty strongly about. i often worry that i am going about it in a "too extreme" sort of way... but as a parent in this media-driven world, where screens are accessible essentially all the time, i feel it is more important than ever to be extra particular about media usage, especially as it pertains to childhood. childhood is so invaluable. it is such an influential part of a person's life and yet is so fleeting. right now my kids are little and i feel i need to let them be little. they are just beginning to experience so many aspects of the world and i feel its imperative for them to really experience it.. let them see, hear, feel, taste, smell.. in simple and direct ways.. in order to gain perspective of what's truly around them. and probably most importantly, they need to play. and i feel too often, media gets in the way of that. it deprives them of so many sensory experiences that i think are so imperative to childhood.
another aspect of media that influences my parental approach is the dependency it creates upon the user[s]. i don't feel like kids need to be entertained all the time. they are kids... energetic, creative., excited about the world.. so much is new to them and i feel there is enough to keep them entertained without the influence of media. i know i have enough toys in my house alone to entertain {more kids than my own} for YEARS!! but i don't think there is anything wrong with boredom. as a parent, it's easy to take a "bored" child personally, and we turn to media to rescue us from this "parental failing". however, while too much boredom may become troublesome, i feel in general it encourages creativity, independence, moments of reflection, and growth. if we constantly depend on media to annihilate boredom, we annihilate many good things as well.
so, as with all parenting approaches i go by, i seriously question whether what i am doing is best for my children, and i have my worries... but despite them, this works for us right now. and i feel it brings more peace and harmony to our home and greater joy to me as a parent as i see my children create, and invent, play and experience life like only a child can.
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