look for the good

bad news this week. and i'm not sure where to begin...

these past couple years has been a whirlwind for our family. this whirlwind actually started about 3 years ago with steve leaving a cozy job and accepting a position that was outside his comfort and experience level. he wanted to grow and knew he couldn't where he was. and he did grow, however, a year and a half ago he was let go from this position. and that's when it became hard.  we managed though.. a lot of uncertainty and anxiety and tears, but he found work where he could. which eventually led to his "current" position... which, in a nutshell, was all fine and dandy until this week,  it has also come to an end. to put it lightly, we are shocked, devastated, angry, and confused. just a tornado of emotions and i'm afraid it's all without any real explanation.

after our last bout with unemployment, i was finally feeling confident (not guilty) again, like we could afford to "splurge" on little luxuries.. i put the kids in their first sports/dance classes, we spent money on family outings, planned future vacations. i didn't fret over every single dollar and cent. and now we're back in the midst of it all over again. back to the "not knowing" and carrying the heavy weight of eliminating everything but the essential. and so i have to be honest, all this had left me feeling a little bitter. like seriously, we have to go through this again?? 

but i'm not here to complain. i have too much to be grateful for. and just today i finally came to the point where i knew i must shake off these negative feelings and carry on. we all have trials in life. some we get through and move on, and some we have to tackle over and over and over again. and it just seems wrong sometimes. like it's not supposed to be this way. and we think all we need is for the trial to be over. that's what we need and it will be ok. but sometimes what we really need is what the trial can bring us.. like knowledge, understanding, perspective, growth and ultimately change. so that's where i'm at. all i can hope for right now is that this trial will pass quickly, but i'm not going to become bitter if it doesn't. no matter how bad this may seem, or how hard it might be, good can come in unexpected ways.